| נותר בחיים |
[Apr. 27th, 2011|12:21 pm] |
(A translation of Jonathan Coulton's "Still Alive" into Hebrew. Note: I did not write this. I wish I did, because it's fantastic. I found it written anonymously on a forum some years ago, and decided now to make minor corrections and improvements, particularly to change male pronouns to female pronouns [evidently whoever wrote this wasn't aware that the protagonist of Portal, Chell, is female, or didn't care].)
הצלחה מסחררת.
אני מדגישה: הישג כביר.
אני שבעת רצון ומסופקת.
"צמצם טכנולוגיות";
עושים ת'מוכרח
מתוך רצון.
לטובת הכלל מלבד
הנסיינים המתים.
אין סיבה לבכי אם עשינו שגיאה.
ממשיכים להשקיע עד לגמר העוגה.
הניסוי משתלם
והנשק מתקדם
עבור מי שנותר בחיים.
אני לא כועסת.
אני מרגישה מאוד כנה.
גם אם את לבי שברת בזעם
וגם אם זרקת לי
את כל השברים לתוך האש.
כאב לי כשבערתי כי
אני שמחה בשבילך!
נתוני הדאטה נרשמים במוקד.
ותכנית הבטא תסתיים במועד.
אז נשרפתי, נכון
אך למדנו כאן המון
עבור מי שנותר בחיים.
לכי לשלום.
אני מרגישה שטוב לי כאן.
אולי תמצאי עוד מי שיעזור לך.
אולי בבלק-מסה.
צחוקים אתך.
חה חה. עלק.
בכל מקרה, הנה עוגה
היא טעימה ופריכה.
אני מפטפטת כשצריכים לעבוד.
אני לא חולמת להחליף מקומות.
יש מחקר להשלים
ושרשרת ניסויים
על כל מי שנותר בחיים.
האמיני, אני בחיים.
אני חוקרת, אני בחיים.
אני סבבה, אני בחיים.
כשתגססי עוד אהיה בחיים.
וכשתמותי אהיה בחיים.
בחיים,
בחיים |
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| What is this message? |
[Mar. 27th, 2011|06:52 pm] |
To the tune of "What is this Feeling?" from the Broadway musical Wicked. I don't yet have anything good for the first two (spoken) lines and would welcome help filling those in.
USER:
_________________
_________________
There's some sort of problem, my computer's on the fritz
But of course I'll keep on waiting
And of course I'll keep my patience
For I know it will be worth it in the end, yes
There's some sort of problem for now my computer is
Unusually and exceedingly unresponsive and altogether quite impossible to operate.
Dead.
What is this message, so sudden and new?
It came the moment I double-clicked you
CPU dithers
My hard drive's churning
My patience withers
What is it doing?
Waiting's such a pain
Driving me insane
Yes...
Loading
This interminable loading
Patience going on imploding
Let's just say
It won't install
Every damn command, however small
Drags my CPU down to a crawl
It simply keeps on loading
And these lousy estimations,
Where minutes last for generations,
Always come out wrong.
Though at first I thought it would be fast,
Now it seems this screen was built to last
And it will be loading, loading here my whole life long
COMPUTER:
Oh dear user, if I really could
get through this faster, don't you think I would?
But my memory is going
and these warning lights are pinging
while my processor is slowing...
(USER: Well, then don't waste it on singing!)
Oh, dear user, please understand
I'm working just as fast as I can
But when the program's buggy, things don't go as planned
COMPUTER (USER):
I'll keep on loading (What is this message, so sudden and new?)
This interminable loading (It came the moment I double-clicked you)
Patience going on imploding (CPU dithers)
Let's just say (My hard drive's churning)
It won't install (God, what is it doing?!)
Every damn command, however small (Driving me insane)
Drags my CPU down to a crawl (Yes...)
Ahhhh
USER (COMPUTER):
Loading (Loading!)
There's these lousy estimations (Loading!)
Minutes last for generations (Loading!)
Why are they so wrong? (so wrong?)
Though at first I thought it would be fast,
Now it seems this screen was built to last
And it will be loading, (loading) for forever
Loading (loading), endless, painful
(Loading) Loading here (Loading here!)
My whole life long (Loading, this interminable loading)
Done!
Yes!
Lyrics copyright 2010 by Daniel Sterman |
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| My White Cells |
[Oct. 29th, 2008|12:23 pm] |
To the tune of "My Beige Bear" by Jonathan Coulton. Inspired by GiantMicrobes.
Neuron sits inside my head
running all the time
Yeast cell rises in my bread
and ferments my wine
Erythrocyte has run into a hungry Salmonella
He doesn't really stand a chance
My white cells help me fight off my foes
My white cells keep me well and it shows
When I've got a stuffed nose
I reach out for my white cells
Black Death ravages Seville
In 1652
Mad Cow revels in the kill
And then lets out a moo
Erythrocyte is fleeing panicked from the Salmonella
Somebody better save him fast
My white cells help me fight off my foes
My white cells keep me well and it shows
When I've got a stuffed nose
I reach out for my white cells
White cells say that bacteria are everywhere
White cells say that viruses aren't my fans
White cells say that I should make sure to take good care
To wash my hands
Coli, so misunderstood
He makes Vitamin K
Bad breath never smelled too good
Scares everyone away
Erythrocyte has found a haven from the Salmonella
Penicillin's here at last
My white cells help me fight off my foes
My white cells keep me well and it shows
When I've got a stuffed nose
I reach out for my white cells
Lyrics copyright 2008 by Daniel Sterman |
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| The Darkness Soon |
[Jul. 27th, 2008|11:26 am] |
To the tune of the demo tape version of "The Future Soon" by Jonathan Coulton.
Last week I placed a bet on my best friend
I thought that he'd escape and have a good life
I cheered him on while watching from the dark
My other friends threw him into the shark tank
And I'm all alone while the battles rage
Playing Monopoly all by myself
But I think I might enjoy
The look of horror in their eyes
When I finally reveal myself and everyone dies
Cause I'm gonna leave the darkness soon
Yes, the day is in my sight
When I throw down my umbrella and I step into the light
I'm gonna leave the darkness soon
Because that's always been the plan
That someday I'll reveal myself and show the world just who I really am
I'll get to stop taking my supplements
That make up for my missing Vitamin D
I'll hold a picnic underneath the sun
And Xykon and his brothers all will come to
Play Scrabble with Redcloak and Right-Eye too
And Mr. Stiffly and Flopsy and me
And we'll sing songs round the campfire
And we'll make ourselves some smores
Because Xykon won't make me eat little kids anymore
Cause I'm gonna leave the darkness soon
Yes, the day is in my sight
When I throw down my umbrella and I step into the light
I'm gonna leave the darkness soon
Because that's always been the plan
That someday I'll reveal myself and show the world just who I really
Am I being scary
When I make this face... or how 'bout this?
You know, Xykon never explained to me
How to practice looking mean
If I can't even be seen
I kinda miss being a circus star
I had a box then but I also had light
But Xykon says that soon he'll let me free
And I ask you, now would he lie to me?
No, he wouldn't
He told me that he's my friend
That's how I know that he's telling the truth
So I'll wait for my big moment
And I'll practice my big line
Cause I know that if I'm patient it's a matter of time
Cause I'm gonna leave the darkness soon
Yes, the day is in my sight
When I throw down my umbrella and I step into the light
I'm gonna leave the darkness soon
Because that's always been the plan
That someday I'll reveal myself and show the world just who I really am.
Lyrics copyright 2008 by Daniel Sterman |
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| ערפד נחמד |
[Jan. 16th, 2008|12:16 am] |
To the tune of פרפר נחמד's theme song.
ערפדים מכל הכיוונים
הם אוהבים לנשוך ת'אנשים
כי הם רוצים לשתות קצת דם
וגם אולי להרוג כולם
אז מה אם הם מרושעים?
הלוואי שהיינו אל-מתים!
אז בא אלי ערפד נחמד
שתה אצלי, על דם תסעד
תן לי נא לחיות לעד
איזה כיף לחיות רק בלילות
ולהרוג בנים וגם בנות
הבוקר בא, הולכים לישון
ומחכים לסוף היום
הכל נראה כזה פשוט
אף פעם לא צריכים למות
אז בא אלי ערפד נחמד
שתה אצלי, על דם תסעד
תן לי נא לחיות לעד
Lyrics copyright 2008 by Daniel Sterman |
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| Minions of Doom |
[Jan. 3rd, 2008|08:32 am] |
My first song with an original tune.
It was his natural ambition
The only thing that a Dark Lord wants to do
And his inviolate mission
Which is to rule over every one of you
He wants to build up an army
He wants to conquer the world
So he sent out advertisements
"Minions wanted" on banners unfurled
He set to work on translation
Into every language on the Earth
And sent them to every nation
Looking for underlings who can prove their worth
But a linguistic mistake
Means he will never be God
He had in mind Starship Troopers
Instead he got Chabad
So beware of the minyans of doom
They will be putting mezuzas on everyone's rooms
Yes, you'd better stay out of their way
Because you know you're gonna die
When you hear their battle cry
"Did you put tallis and tefillin today?"
The Overlord was elated
He felt that finally things were back on track
They came precoordinated
In uniforms that were uniformly black
So they're a little eccentric;
He lets that "Shabbos" thing slide
'Cause no one else can replace them
Because no one else applied
So beware of the minyans of doom
They will be putting mezuzas on everyone's rooms
Yes, you'd better stay out of their way
Because you know you're gonna die
When you hear their battle cry
"Did you put tallis and tefillin today?"
They'd stop in the middle of battle
To daven mincha and aravit
Which gets their enemies rattled
When the ground opens up underneath their feet
And they refuse to run missions
In groups of fewer than ten
It drives the Overlord crazy
Though they keep winning again and again
So beware of the minyans of doom
They will be putting mezuzas on everyone's rooms
Yes, you'd better stay out of their way
Because you know you're gonna die
When you hear their battle cry
"Did you put tallis and tefillin today?"
At every strategy meeting
He's interrupted by choruses of guys
Who keep insisting on singing
Niguns whose lyrics are "nai nai nai nai nai"s
It's a chasidic invasion
And the Dark Lord is vexed
He fears at every fabrengen
That he'll be asked to sing next
So beware of the minyans of doom
They will be putting mezuzas on everyone's rooms
Yes, you'd better stay out of their way
Because you know you're gonna die
When you hear their battle cry
"Did you put tallis and tefillin today?"
He's dialed down his ambition
World rule's no longer his fondest wish
He'd give up all of his mission
If they'd just stop cooking him gefilte fish
So he built him a rocket
And blasted into the air
But found when fleeing to Neptune
Chabad was already there
So beware of the minyans of doom
They will be putting mezuzas on everyone's rooms
Yes, you'd better stay out of their way
Because you know you're gonna die
When you hear their battle cry
"Did you put tallis and tefillin today?"
Music and lyrics copyright 2008 by Daniel Sterman |
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| World Again |
[Dec. 20th, 2007|02:37 pm] |
To the tune of "Home Again" by Blackmore's Night
I've tried many times now, to take over the world
Always coming up with something new
But it gets frustrating, when all the plans I've drawn
Always seem to be stopped by you.
Old familiar faces, every time we meet
Thwarting all of my evil plans
But they do not matter, it's my destiny
To take over the world again!
Governments and armies fall before my reign
Someday I shall rule the world again
Bow before my minions, writhe and scream in pain
Someday I shall rule the world again
Muahahahahaha, Muahahahaha
Someday I shall rule the world again
When my laser fires, the whole world will burn
And there's nothing left that you can do
Witness all my genius, watch in awe and learn
That I'm far superior to you
Old familiar faces, every time we meet
Thwarting all of my evil plans
But they do not matter, it's my destiny
To take over the world again!
Governments and armies fall before my reign
Someday I shall rule the world again
Bow before my minions, writhe and scream in pain
Someday I shall rule the world again
Muahahahahaha, Muahahahaha
Someday I shall rule the world again
Muahahahahaha Muahahahaha
Someday I shall rule the world again
Now that I grow weary of your insolence
I'll throw you in the Pit of Despair
I won't watch you perish, although you've been a pest
I'll just assume that you'll die in there
Old familiar faces, every time we meet
Thwarting all of my evil plans
But they do not matter, it's my destiny
To take over the world again!
Governments and armies fall before my reign
Someday I shall rule the world again
Bow before my minions, writhe and scream in pain
Someday I shall rule the world again
Muahahahahaha Muahahahaha
Someday I shall rule the world again
Muahahahahaha Muahahahaha
Someday I shall rule the world again
Governments and armies fall before my reign
Someday I shall rule the world again
Bow before my minions, writhe and scream in pain
Someday I shall rule the world again
Governments and armies fall before my reign
Someday I shall rule the world again
Lyrics copyright 2005 by Daniel Sterman |
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| Another Riddle Homicide |
[Dec. 20th, 2007|02:06 pm] |
To the tune of "A.M. Suicide" by Ookla the Mok
Poor Harry Potter
He's had things hard
The chosen one with his foes long gone
He'll forever be scarred
The magic's gone now
While the wand remains
Everything is different
But Harry's the same
Sometimes I feel like Harry Potter
Day in, day out
No one asks why his mind's on the past:
What's he pensieve about?
Sometimes I feel like Harry Potter
But I don't mind
We all feel like Harry Potter sometimes
Everybody feels like Harry Potter sometimes
Except the actual Harry Potter who finds
He almost always feels like Harry Potter
He says, “Why couldn’t I just have died
Another Riddle homicide?
Since the day I did away
With Voldemort, it all seems sort of meaningless
The bills, the job, and raising the kids..."
Harry’s old and it’s unfair
Now he's losing all his hair
It's hard
Noone wants to hear him talk about his scar
There’s a little Harry Potter inside us all
Harry Potter’s inside us all
Harry Potter’s in you
Harry Potter’s in me
There’s a little Harry Potter inside everybody
Harry Potter looks back
Harry Potter recalls
There’s a little Harry Potter inside us all
Put a little Harry Potter in your heart
Won’t you put a little Harry Potter in your heart?
If you put a little Harry Potter in your heart
Then you’ll have a little Harry Potter in your heart
Lyrics copyright 2005 by Daniel Sterman and Batya Wittenberg. Revised 2007 by Daniel Sterman in order to comply with outcome of book 7. |
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| Unnamed Circle of Life parody |
[Mar. 1st, 2007|07:58 pm] |
To the tune of "Circle of Life" by Elton John and Tim Rice
From the day we arrived on the planet
And, drinking, set fire to the pub
We caused some scenes like had never been seen
Yet we knew that we'd only begun
There was far too much to destroy here
Though we certainly gave it a try
But at the end of our stay
When they sent us away
They told us this would be our last goodbye
'Cause we're banned from Argo!
That includes us all!
From the captain down
To Redshirt 21
Now we've got no place
To do our unwinding
Yes we're banned from
We're banned from Argo.
Lyrics copyright 2007 by Daniel Sterman |
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| Memory Killed My Video Card |
[Nov. 8th, 2006|12:26 pm] |
To the tune of "Video Killed the Radio Star" by The Buggles
I bought a new memory card the other day
Trying to turn my Pentium into a Cray
I figured it would be a simple Plug-and-Play
oh, oh
But that's the problem with modern technology
Installing hardware has effects you can't foresee
That's what I learned when my display just ceased to be
Oh, oh
I've got a problem
Oh, oh
I couldn't solve it
Memory killed my video card
Memory killed my video card
Suddenly, my screen went dark
Oh, oh oh oh oh
And now I'm stuck with goddamned software rendering
Takes so much processor I cannot run a thing
I'm getting errors the drivers are missing
Oh, oh
This is appalling
Oh, oh
Try reinstalling
Memory killed my video card
Memory killed my video card
Nothing that I've done so far
Could get it working up to par
Oh, oh oh oh oh
Oh, oh oh oh oh
[musical interlude]
Memory killed my video card
Memory killed my video card
Nothing that I've done so far
Could get it working up to par
Suddenly, my screen went dark
Throw it away, it's too far gone
You were my video card
You were my video card
Memory killed my video card
Memory killed my video card
Memory killed my video card
Memory killed my video card...
Lyrics copyright 2005 by Daniel Sterman |
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